


Insecurities

by orphan_account



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tag for episode 5x06. Adam's quiet when Mac gets home, and he's concerned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities

When Mac got home after shift, he hung up his jacket, put his case down and slipped off his shoes, going into the living room. "Adam?" he called, looking around for his lover.

"Over here, Mac," Adam replied, and Mac looked over the couch to see the younger man sprawled out on it, his eyes fixed on the TV, which was showing some random comedy program. Mac smiled, walking over to sit on the arm of the couch by Adam's head, running a hand through the curly brown hair.

"Hey. You hungry?" he asked, and Adam shook his head slightly.

"Nah, had a sandwich when I got in," he replied quietly. Mac nodded and kissed him on the forehead, before going into the kitchen and making himself a sandwich, then coming back out into the living room, standing in front of the couch expectantly. Adam caught his look and sat up so Mac could sit down, shifting so they were both stretched out, Adam between Mac's legs, head on the older man's chest, and Mac leaning against the armrest. Mac ate his sandwich, watching the TV, and was surprised when Adam didn't even say anything. Usually, his lover was pretty talkative.

"You okay?" Mac asked concernedly, his hand resting on Adam's stomach.

"Yeah, fine," Adam replied, and Mac frowned.

"You don't sound it," he said, and Adam looked up at him, a sharp look in his eyes.

"I said I'm fine, Mac," he repeated coldly, and Mac flinched at his tone. Adam's gaze immediately softened, and he pressed his lips to Mac's jaw apologetically. "Sorry, I just…" he trailed off with a sigh, and Mac moved so they could face each other.

"Tell me," he urged softly, and Adam looked away.

"You'll say I'm being stupid," he muttered, and Mac cupped his scruffy chin, gently making him look up at him.

"No I won't," he promised, his voice a little rough. "Just talk to me, Adam. Please," he pleaded. Adam's eyes shuttered, and he took a deep breath, before opening them again.

"Fine. Earlier today, I just, I was wondering, you fought Stella over the decision to let me go because of the budget cuts and stuff. Would you have done that if we weren't, y'know…together?" he asked nervously, and Mac's eyes widened slightly. Adam ducked his head the best he could with Mac's hand under his chin. "I knew it, you think I'm being stupid, forget I said it," he mumbled.

"Adam, look at me," Mac whispered. Adam didn't move. "Look at me, love," he said again, his tone firmer. Adam reluctantly brought his gaze up to meet Mac's. "I don't know how you can even think that of me, but I can tell you, it's not true. Yes, I love you, but I wouldn't favour you at work for that, it's not fair to the others. I would have fought to keep you at the lab even if we weren't together. I meant what I said, you're an amazing lab technician, one of the best, if not the best we have, and so many more criminals would get off without your work to put them away. I'm not letting them fire you without putting up a fight, and the others are behind me. We all want you at the lab, Adam, and you deserve to be there. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise," he told him strongly, and Adam smiled a little.

"You mean that? I mean, you're not just saying it?" he asked tentatively, and Mac smiled at him, kissing him chastely.

"I mean it, Adam. Every word. Though, I do admit, I don't want you to leave for more than professional reasons. If you leave, you'll get a job somewhere else, and I don't want to have to tell the chief I'm quitting to find a job near you," he added with a slight grin. Adam gaped.

"You'd leave the lab for me?" he breathed, and Mac nodded.

"Of course," he replied, as if that was obvious.

"But why? You love your job," Adam said, and Mac chuckled, holding him closer and kissing his forehead.

"Yeah, but I love you more," he told him seriously. Adam smiled and kissed him, settling back into Mac's embrace.

"I love you, too, Mac. And I'm sorry about the question, I just, I didn't want you to do anything for me at work just because of our relationship," he said quietly. Mac nodded in understanding.

"I know, love. But I'd fight just as hard to keep Danny, or Stella, or Lindsay, or Flack, or any of the team if the chief decided to let them go due to budget cuts. And in future, talk to me about stuff. If you think I'm favouring you, tell me. I want you to open up to me, Adam," he replied sincerely, his hand tracing shapes on Adam's t-shirt clad stomach. They both knew he wasn't just talking about work stuff. He was talking about all the other things Adam had tried to keep to himself. His childhood, his father, the nightmares. Secrets Adam hadn't told Mac, thinking the older man would leave him if he knew. But when they had come to light, Mac had just held him and listened as he told him all about what the man he'd had to call father had done to him when he was a kid. Hugged him close as he'd cried and whispered soothing murmurs in his ear. Adam was insecure, they both knew that, and Mac was still trying to convince his lover that he would never leave him by choice; the only way he was moving from Adam's life was if his heart stopped beating.

Adam rolled over so he was pressed chest to chest with the older man, staring him in the face, their legs intertwined and arms wrapped around each other. "I know, Mac. And I promise I'll try my best, you know it's hard for me to talk," he said, barely louder than a whisper. Mac kissed him, feeling Adam's heart thumping against his chest through their shirts.

"I know, Adam. We've got all the time in the world," he replied, though they both knew that wasn't true. With a job like theirs, with Mac in the field all the time, and Adam going out occasionally, they could never be sure if they would come home once the shift was over. Adam smiled a little, leaning his head on Mac's chest with a slight sigh.

"Let's go to bed," he breathed, his eyelids drooping a little from tiredness. Mac nodded, and the two managed to untangle themselves and get up, going upstairs to their bedroom. Mac's guitar was on the stand in the corner, and the black bed sheets were rumpled, indicating they hadn't had time to properly make the bed before work that morning. They stripped to their boxers, throwing their clothes in the hamper, and crawled into bed underneath the covers. Adam spooned up against Mac's chest, his lover's arm draped across his waist possessively, Mac's face buried in the back of Adam's neck. The younger man felt a kiss pressed against the soft skin of his shoulder, and he smiled softly. "Night, Mac. Love you," he murmured, closing his eyes.

"Love you, too, Adam. Night," Mac replied, and together, they fell asleep, their breathing in time, the only sound in the quiet bedroom. Adam would always have his insecurities, and Mac would always be protective and possessive of him, but no couple was perfect. They were together, whether it was for another day, or decades to come, and that was all that mattered to them.


End file.
